8 RULES FOR CLOWN GAGS: Paraphrased from Kurt Vonnegut

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
2. Give the audience at least one character he or she can root for.
3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
4. Every moment must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
5. Start as close to the end as possible.
6. Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your character, make awful things happen to them—in order that the audience may see what they are made of.
7. Perform to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your clowning will get pneumonia.
8. Give your audience as much information as possible as soon as possible. Your audience should have a complete understanding of what is going on.